At our first Coffee and Conversation session of the year, Head of School Michelle Healy and Assistant Head of School Keri Zurlini hosted a large group at the North River Electric House for a conversation about the importance of play at all ages.
Recently, social psychologist and author Jonathan Haidt published The Anxious Generation, a book exploring the correlation between increasing technology use and declining mental health in young people.
To open discussion of the book, Michelle pointed to another facet of this concerning societal shift: the shift away from a play-centered education. This framing, she said, allows us “to focus on what we want more of, not what we want less of. This is what we should really be talking about.”
“Curiosity, interest, and joy are essential to mental, physical, emotional, and social development,” she continued, and at High Meadow, “kids are engaging in all types of play most of the day,” play that comes in many forms, from the monkey bars to the science lab.
“The idea of work v. play sets us up to see learning as unpleasant,” Michelle said, “but play is the work of childhood,” with its own unique role in neurological development. The skills attained through play also support traditional academic performance, helping us learn to think flexibly, increasing concentration, and promoting perseverance, for example.
Next, Michelle explored four types of play: free play, structured play, risky play, and rough play. Free play is spontaneous, creative, inspired by the circumstances of the moment. It stimulates imagination and encourages using tools without an end goal. Structured play has a goal and parameters, as in sports, video games, academic games, and some artistic disciplines, such as painting a still life.
Risky play is about testing one’s boundaries, engaging a sense of novelty or challenge, and developing skills for evaluation of risk. For some children, rough play is a key part of sensory integration, including activities like wrestling and pretend combat. In the context of rough play, Michelle pointed to the need for ongoing consent; caregivers can watch participants' faces and other physical indicators to help ensure everyone is playing happily.
Structured activities like Four Square and Gaga also bring up important challenges related to consent. We see this as children negotiate asking to join or inviting others into play or establishing ground rules or agreements for participants. At High Meadow, this often occurs across ages, highlighting students’ autonomy on the playground. Michelle noted that “non-negotiables” set by adults are also okay, such as no standing on the swings, serving to protect from a known hazard.
Next, Keri took on the topic of conflict in play. “Conflict is healthy and natural,” she reminded us, but when there is aggression that could cause harm, it’s time for a grown-up to step in. Keri suggested leading with coaching or questioning, rather than stopping the play or adjudicating from the adult point of view. “It’s hardly ever what we think it is,” she pointed out, “and we need to hear from the kids.” We might ask, “What’s happening here?” or “How could we solve this problem?”
When intervention proves necessary, Michelle suggested stopping play in a neutral way: “Please put down the shovel and let’s talk over here,” which not only addresses the conflict, but also reinforces positive interactions. For children who tend to internalize discomfort or questions during play, Michelle suggested offering a “preview” of play, discussing what to expect in advance, along with a debrief, offering an opportunity for reflection afterward.
Next month’s Coffee and Conversation will pick up with more discussion prompted by The Anxious Generation.
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